Why We Overwork: What’s Happening in the Engine?
7/5/20264 min read
We’ve previously explored the costs and signs of overworking; an important follow-up is why. Why does one person stop at a reasonable hour and give themselves time to recover while you can’t switch-off no matter how much you’ve done or how much you deserve it?
Overworking is rarely caused by one thing. It tends to sit at the intersection of two systems: a psychological architecture that’s been built up over years and an environment (demanding workplace; social environment) that activates it, rewards it and perhaps even requires it. Nevertheless, a deeper understanding of these interacting systems and our role within them can make a clearer path forward. Rather than being trapped in automatic patterns and expectations, where we are moving too quickly to have genuine autonomy in how we act.
The Psychological Engine
There are diverse psychological patterns linked to beliefs about self-worth, safety and what’s required to be acceptable: what are sometimes considered “rules for living”. These rules are usually formed to keep us safe, but overreliance on them can produce unhelpful results.
The Inner Critic
Do you have an internal voice that’s far harsher and cruel than anything you would say to someone else? This voice usually has a history, developing in environments where approval felt conditional on performance, where mistakes drew sharp criticism or where achievement was simply required for attention and warmth from those dear to us.
This voice often develops as a protective strategy: a way of getting ahead of external criticism by delivering it first, using self-pressure to stay safe and accepted in an environment where falling short had real costs. Whilst the strategy worked, is it worth the cost or even necessary at this new point in time? This voice often works as “toxic fuel”, it might get you somewhere, but at a cost to yourself and your relationships. Finding a more sustainable approach can often help improve both our own wellbeing and our connections with others.
A few questions to ask:
If I said these things aloud, how would the people around me respond?
What is the cost of treating myself this way?
Have I ever explored a different approach?
To begin answering the question it could be helpful to review the Forms of Self-Criticising/Attacking & Self-Reassuring Scale (FSCRS).
Perfectionism
Whilst there’s great value in a pursuit of excellence, this can easily become the primary source of self-worth leading to increasingly demanding standards, discounting of achievements, and a sense that nothing you do will ever be good enough. Which in turn can lead to either fear paralysis or engaging more heavily in achievement-based tasks than is actually beneficial.
Perfectionism is frequently reinforced by others for going above and beyond. Particularly when we are praised for only exceptional performance and feel that being valued by others is conditional upon this. It’s possible to have a healthy pursuit of excellence not tied to self-worth but rather from underlying values. Giving you the flexibility to be in control rather than being beholden to internal standards.
Key questions:
When I meet my standards, do I feel pleasure, relief or a respite of anxiety.
If I did “good enough” work, what do I think will happen?
As a child, was I enough simply as I was, or was my value conditional on what I did?
People Pleasing and the Cost of Boundaries
A near constant pull to do things for others, alongside genuine difficulty saying no, delegating or setting limits without guilt as an immediate response. This pattern is often connected to beliefs that our worth is conditional upon being useful, agreeable or endlessly available and that disappointing someone is unsafe rather than uncomfortable. This behaviour can become entrenched as people learn they can rely on you, making it increasingly challenging to change given that our connections become based upon these dynamics.
In the long-term this comes at a personal cost in terms of increasing fatigue,
Quick Check:
When was the last time I said no, and how did I feel afterwards?
Do I find it easier to meet other people’s needs than to identify my own?
How much time do I spend taking care of myself in relation to taking care of others?
Unhelpful and Unrealistic Standards
Underlying all of these are often a handful of rules: “I must prioritise others; anything less than perfection is failure; if I’m not enough, I’m unworthy.” These rules are the way we’ve learned to protect ourselves growing up. Often, they don’t reflect our current environment, it is possible to break or shift these rules in a way that leads to more balance and sustainability moving forward.
The Toxic Environment
Whilst these patterns may have developed in childhood, they often lead us into professions which further reinforce them such as law, medicine or academia. This may come in increasing demands being placed on us without sufficient support, meaningful work being leveraged into making sacrifices that you shouldn’t have to, or financial consequences making overworking a reasonable response. These further socialise people towards overworking as necessary to work in these roles. Moreover it may seem that there’s no way to develop a more sustainable approach in these environments aside from leaving.
The Path Forward
We may not have control over our workplace or environment; we didn’t choose the way we were raised or the financial pressures we face today. What we do have control over is how we interpret what’s being asked of you, how we respond to the pull to do more and evaluating whether the driving behaviour are ones you’ve actually chosen or were just given to you by others.
For many this style of thinking is so automatic that it’s difficult to do alone. Not from any lack of intelligence or self-awareness but because the patterns that justify behaviour are so longstanding and familiar that they seem innately true. That’s precisely where therapy can help. If any of what’s described in this piece feels recognisable it may be worth exploring it with someone trained to help you look at it more clearly. You can find out more about how I work, and whether it might be a good fit on my About page.